I really don't know how else to title these post right now as they really are just little updates. I know that many friends are checking in on us and are concerned with how we are doing. It's hard. There's just nothing else to say. Here's a bit about today (Friday). This post is confusing to me since it's just after midnight, therefore officially Saturday but I'm writing about Friday. I'll try to make the timeline clear.
Grace called me into her room tonight after she had been down for close to an hour. She said she was having trouble going to sleep. I asked her why and she said it was because she was scared of something bad happening. That totally broke my heart. I know that she and probably all the kiddos are dealing in ways I totally don't know, realize, or understand. She asked me to please leave some lights on when I went to bed. I prayed with her and tucked her back in and shortly thereafter she did finally fall asleep.
I had serious trouble with sleep myself last night (Thursday) night. I did not end up falling to sleep until the wee wee hours of Friday morning. As of right now I'm thinking that tonight could be a repeat. The nights are the hardest for sure.
The small little things that occur in one's life each day totally lead to meltdowns for me right now. For instance, I vacuumed the floor and the kids tracked in almost immediately...I cried about it. Then while eating dinner at around 6:30 PM I realized that I had planned on going to the biggest women's event our church has each year. The event was tonight (Friday night). It only happens once each year. I LOVE it and had heard very good things about the speaker tonight. It started at 6:00 PM, and I totally missed it. At the moment I realized it, there was no way I could get dressed and make it. I really, really cried about this one. Truth is I'm not sure that I would have really felt like it if I had remembered, I just hated that fact that I forgot and therefore missed the chance to make that decision. The other thing that really upset me today was finding out that our termite company cancelled on us because we had a ten year contract that just recently expired. Apparently we had a really good contract and it was better for them to cancel and make us start over than to keep the existing contract. :( Ugh!! Now I guess I get to start looking at getting us established in a new contract which means new start up fees and more money, money, money!!! Very frustrating!!
I've always struggled with why we have the added little things in the midst of BIG crisis. I mean it feels like adding insult to injury to me. I know that others totally relate to this.
The director of the funeral home that we planned to use called today to see if we were ready to make some arrangements. I cannot even begin to wrap my head around these details this time. I'm so not ready. We will have to make some plans and get back to him by the first of next week, but I'm so not ready.
I really hate to continue to be so doom and gloom with these updates, so I thought I would end with a few things I did enjoy about life today in random order...
1. pictures the kiddos colored for me
2. a good meal delivered by a sweet friend tonight (also had one delivered last night and enjoyed YUMMY left overs for lunch)
3. clean kitchen counter tops even if it only lasted like an hour
4. getting mostly caught up on laundry
5. Mary Ruth and her new favorite word - "rational"...all day she's been saying that things were either not rational or totally rational. I LOVE my Brown Eyed Beauty! She is the one to always make the silliest faces and come up with the silliest things to say!! Too cute!!
6. Elizabeth smiling so big and lifting her arms up to me when I walk in her room in the morning or after nap.
7. Grace's smile. She's missing so many teeth right now!! When she opens her mouth and I see her one very big tooth in the front of her mouth, it so makes me smile too!! I'm blessed by all my children, but Grace especially blesses me because she LOVES me so much and wants to be like me in spite of the fact that she sees all my failures up close and personal!! Today Wesley went to run and errand and asked all the kiddos to go so that I could be home by myself to rest. Grace insisted on staying with me to help me. :)
8. Rocking Bella Peace to sleep each day! I LOVE that she is 3 1/2 years old and still LOVES to be rocked to sleep. I also LOVE that she's so adventurous!! She's making me more gray each day, but it's fun to watch her enjoy life to the fullest!!
9. freshly cut grass, especially when Luke's the one that has done most of the cutting. If it was not for Luke I don't know how we would take care of the yard these days. He's such a big helper!! I simply cannot believe that he was the first one to call me "Mommy" and now he's far to big to use baby words like "Mommy"!
10. MY BEST FRIEND!! I do not know what I would do without Wesley. In fact I do not know what I am going to do next week when he goes back to work. He's been so very good to me. So very tender and loving! I LOVE that Man!! He works so hard for our family!!
11. I know it's totally random to end on 11, but things are a little random for me right now so it's fitting. There's no way I could end this list without mentioning all the family and friends who are loving us so well right now! We love you back!
What gray hair?
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