Facing My Giants

I say this from time to time, but it warrants repeating. The pictures are pretty. Yes, maybe even perfect. The smiles are beautiful. The house looks great. I've showered, dressed, put on make-up, and I kind of look the part of a super-mom who has it all together. BUT....there's WAY more behind the picture perfect blog posts or should I say way less (like sometimes no smiles, messy house, no shower, no make-up, and still in PJs). Sometimes, it's necessary to keep it real. So be prepared as I share my heart just a little bit...

I don't feel very well tonight. There's been stuff going around our house this week. Everyone but Wesley has had some kind of something. Before today, I've had a sore throat. But tonight, I really don't feel good. I've either got something or maybe it's mastitis or maybe it's thrush (I say that because something is also not right with nursing) or maybe it's just fatigue and hormones. I don't know, but regardless something is not right. I've also been an emotional wreck several times today. In addition to stuff going around (sickness), there's also a lot of stuff going on (decisions and such).

Tonight I was thinking about the movie, "Facing the Giants". I love that movie. I was specifically thinking about the part were Grant is in the field by his house and he's praying and he says something like, "God there's giants of fear and failure staring me down, trying to crush me." I feel like that tonight and a lot of nights. I was fretting about a decision earlier today, and Wesley said something like, "chill out." I responded with, "I'm just scared of making a mistake." And then I thought of this scene in the movie, and I realized how much I fear. I fear making a mistake. I fear getting it wrong. I fear failure. I fret. I worry. I plan too much. It's exhausting. And it's very, very counterproductive. I become ineffective and inefficient. Then I start to look around and feel like a failure for not keeping up with everything. It absorbs way too much of my time and energy. If I would only give it over to Him. Oh, the peace. Oh, the peace that I might know. Could know. Would surely know.

You are probably thinking, "wow, must have been a big decision." Nope. Not really. Sometimes it is. Other times it's small and ridiculous.

In that same seen in the movie, Grant says, "Lord, I'm tired of being afraid." Me too!! Me too, Lord!!

A few sentences later he something like (so yeah, I've watched this one a couple times. Ok, a few times.), "You're my God. You're on the Throne."

Oh, Lord, YOU are my God. Help me to let go. Help me to trust You. Help me not to worry, fret, plan, so much. Help me, Lord. I want to live and walk in victory. I want Your peace.

I also read this tonight. These are not my circumstances, not even close. But reading this, I thought, "Lord, I want to see You too." I have seen Him. But I want to really, really see Him. Everyday. Everywhere. In all my circumstances. Big and small. I want my vision of Him to totally and completely, really, really change me. Ya, know what I mean?

I also read this from another blog:

We have been given so much more than a life of mediocrity. Everything we have or don't have. Everything we've been given or have been denied. We can use that to praise God and enrich the life we have right now.

I'm empowered. He dwells in me. His love is beyond my wildest dreams. He can do more than I ask or imagine. I can have fullness, contentment, and complete joy in this life, right now, in this very moment. (mouth agape)

I'm working for that, folks. Scratch that. I'm accepting that gift, folks. I'm asking my Abba to bind up Satan, take away his foothold, and I'm accepting my Father's unimaginable love and unending grace.

I am his beautiful and perfect daughter, and I deserve more than mediocrity.
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LOVE THAT!!

So, anyway there's a little bit of real life. I'm feeling a little better after sharing. Now I'm going to rest my little mind. Say my prayers and meditate on a bit of scripture as I drift off to sweet sleep.

Ephesians 3:14-21

For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man; That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God. Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen.

Philippians 4:4-9

Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice. Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand. Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.

Isaiah 26:3

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.

Ahhhhh.....