Slowing Down

**NOTE - Today is actually October 2, 2009. I wrote this on July 27, 2009 but never actually posted. I think I was going to add some more to it, but never got around to doing it. I've decided to post it now as is.**

It's really way too late for me to be up creating a new post, but I've been wanting to post for days now and can't seem to find the time. So, I doing it right now. I'm sure I will regret it in the morning when I am so tired.

This summer has been so busy for our family. It began with Luke's kindergarten graduation. I was looking forward to his graduation and to having a break from school. I had no idea what I was in for. It was less than two weeks after graduation that we found out we had lost our sweet Joshua. Intially I needed to be busy to cope. I would not do anything differently. We've enjoyed the many things that have made our summer busy. Thankfully though, I think that we are about to slow down. We've began school again. We are only doing school part time right now (meaning doing 2 or 3 days a week), but we are only 2 weeks away from getting back at it full-time. I've enjoyed getting back to school and so have the kiddos. We've been working on some really neat science projects that I will share about soon. We stick to a more structure schedule and get out less when doing school. While summer has been fun, I think this family needs to slow down!

We made a day trip to B'ham today (Sunday). Oak was dedicated in the evening service of his church tonight. Have I mentioned how much I love that little guy and his big sister! It was a great day. We enjoyed seeing Matt, Heather, Glory, Oak, and Wesley's parents.

Since my last post, I've had a couple of rough spots. This past week a few things did not go my way and it's been an emotional week. I've really struggled with missing my babies. Grief comes and goes and sometimes surprises you. Overall though, I doing well. I believe that God has allowed a great deal of healing to occur and maybe, just maybe, He could be revealing some of what the future holds for our family. I don't feel like sharing the details tonight. I will soon. But I believe He is answering my prayers, and I'm getting closer to "not my will, but yours Lord". I just wish this were not such a hard road sometimes. I wish growth and change could come easier. I'm tired of all the hard lessons that build my character. I know if I would just fix my eyes on Jesus and remain faithful to Him, to abide in Him, to rest in Him, to turn to Him first and not after all my other plans had failed it would be easier.

**This is how I left it on July 27, 2009.**