The Night Before

I'm getting ready to go to bed. I am feeling so many emotions tonight. I am anxious and excited. I'm anxious that something might be wrong when I see tomorrow's ultrasound. I'm excited as I believe everything will be OK. I'm anxious that Wesley is out of town. I'm excited that so far everything has been perfect. I'm anxious because I know my history. I'm excited because I know that my God is in control no matter what happens. It's a roller coaster. It's hard not to be afraid. I sometimes feel annoyed when people suggest that I not be afraid. Really, how can I not be afraid. I am trying really hard to trust God. It doesn't always come easy. I give it over to the Lord, find His peace, and then another wave of emotion comes over me and I'm fearful again. There are times that I feel supernatural peace. It's just crazy!

I'm also juggling a lot of this week. I've been a single parent while pregnant with a sick child (whose actually all better now), and on top of that I'm trying to plan for a trip out of town for a sudden unexpected funeral. In addition to the basics like cooking, cleaning, diapers, bathes, etc., I've also done things like school (we needed to get a couple of days in this week so we went ahead and got those done!), groceries, errands, and tomorrow I have a big doctor's appointment and ultrasound.

AND, I can't quit thinking about my sweet Isaiah. Tonight is the night before we found out we had lost him. But, by this time 3 years ago, he was already singing with the angels in Heaven.

I'm glad I've been so busy this week. It's been good for me. I haven't really had time to obsess TOO much over the "what ifs".

So tonight is the night before. Before what? I'm not sure this time. But, I know that my God loves me and has a good and perfect plan for me, for our family, and for our little Baby. Have I mentioned that I'm completely convinced it's a girl? I hold a good record for being right on this. I guess time will tell. Who knows, maybe tonight is the night before we find out whether Baby is "Baby Girl Minor" or "Baby Boy Minor". I'm not really expecting to find out anything tomorrow, although I do have permission from Wesley to find out if they can see something. I just have to be sure to do something cute to reveal the secret to him when he gets home. Remember he loves to be surprised in fun ways!

So, I will update as soon as I can sometime tomorrow afternoon. Thanks for your prayers!