Gratitude

First, I just want to say that I strongly dislike the word "hate". Actually one of our household rules is that use that word carefully and appropriately. We don't toss it around or use it lightly. The kiddos aren't allowed to say, "I hate rainy days" or "I hate broccoli" (no one actually hates broccoli anyway, I'm just giving you an example). We can use the word if we are referring to something that God hates. Some examples might be: I hate that people die without knowing Jesus. I hate to see people hurting. If we aren't sure, we should avoid using it. So, I say all that to say that I broke that rule in the title of my last post. I will be editing that as soon as I finish this post. May sound crazy, but I don't want to be ashamed of my kiddos seeing it if they were to walk by. OK, now that I've cleared that up, let's move on, shall we?

I was feeling discouraged for a while earlier today. Mostly I was discouraged about our finances. We have done Dave Ramsey's Financial University, and we try to follow it as best we can. One day I will try to find time to write more on this topic, but for now I will just say that financially things are tough. Having the surprise car repair today was really stressing me. I planned to write about how stressed I was about it all. But throughout the day I as I thought about it, I realized how discontent and ungrateful I was being. I could right a book about how good God has been to us, and how He has provided time and time again. He has been faithful. Yet lately anytime something doesn't go my way in regards to our finances, I find myself frustrated with Him. The truth, though at times it is hard to accept, is that He has allowed this struggle so that we would be dependent on Him. In 2 Corinthians 12:7-10, Paul writes of a thorn in his flesh.

"...there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I a weak, then am I strong."

I feel like our finances might be a "thorn" for us. God uses it to show Himself strong on our behalf. He uses it to keep us humble, to keep us dependent on Him, so that "the power of Christ may rest upon us." Our budget rarely works out of paper, but He always provides. It's only through His provision that we make it! Over and over we've been given the opportunity to testify to His goodness and faithfulness with miraculous stories of provision.

As I began to change my focus today, I began to think about God's hand in this, His hand in our life, His sovereignty. As I reminded myself that He loves us, has a good plan for us, is teaching and growing us. As I focused on Him and His Word, not the situation or our circumstances. I started to remember His faithfulness in our lives. Then, my heart changed. I began to think about how good I have it and how I should be content and grateful.

Lord, forgive me once again for losing sight of the many, many ways you provide, have provided, and bless us each and every day!! Forgive me for my discontentment, for complaining, for being so selfish. Forgive me for my lack of gratitude.

I made a pretty big grateful list in my head, and it has grown throughout the day as new things keep coming to my mind. But tonight, I want to share just a few that top off my list.

I'm grateful first for His saving grace. When I look back over my life and imagine how differently it might have turned out if I had not responded to His calling at that young age many years ago, I literally get chills. Friends, I have first cousins my age who are currently in prison, who are strung out of drugs, who have lost custody of their children, who have no home to call their own, who have never been truly loved or respected by a member of the opposite sex, who have been abused. I still see many of these family members when I go home. It breaks my heart. One who people use to say that I looked like, currently has few or maybe no teeth and weighs maybe 90 pounds and is about as tall as me. When I hug her I can feel all the bones in her back. I don't think she's never been married, lives with family, doesn't have custody of or even see her son, and will sleep with absolutely anybody male or female to get her next fix. My mother will not like to read this and would say no way, but honestly I know THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME! IF not for JESUS!!! He saved me from all of that. He has saved me for eternity!!

Secondly, I grateful for my parents. I did not grow up going to church, wasn't raised reading the Bible, and we didn't pray together. My parents will admit they made mistakes, BUT I never doubted or questioned that they loved me! My Mother made so many sacrifices for me and my brother. She tried hard to teach us right from wrong. She LOVED us, no doubt!! My Daddy also LOVED us. He has a lot of guilt over the kind of parent he was, but I always knew he LOVED me! It is SO important of a little girl to feel loved by her father. My Daddy was very tenderhearted towards me. My parents wanted my brother and I to turn out to be good people, make good decisions, and do the right things. Their love and support encouraged me to feel worthy, important, special, confident, and to desire to please them. Though they made mistakes, I believe their love for me made such a difference. Proverbs 10:12 says, "love covereth all sins." BTW, I should mention that I wasn't the perfect daughter either.

Though the "grateful list" in my head is very long tonight, I'll end by expressing gratitude for one more on my list, my greatest earthly gift, Wesley. He was given to me by God Himself, shaped and moldy especially for me through the years. I knew it when I first met him. I was Christian before I met him, but he has been the number one Godly influence in my life. My life changed the day I met him. Wesley loves me the way that a wife deserves to be loved. I don't have to compete with work, hobbies, friends, sports, other women or anything else for his affection. He isn't perfect, I'm not either, and our marriage isn't perfect. But, it is solid, built on the only solid foundation, the Lord Jesus Christ. For this and for him I'm so grateful!!

On a final note, it was as my attitude started to change today that God yet again stepped in to encourage me. This time through a dear friend. I was already feeling much better, so this was just like a cherry on top! I was at the table with Luke helping him with his math, and all three girls were looking out the front storm door. Bella Peace insist on looking out the door every time she thinks she hears an airplane. I think she just likes looking out and dreaming of the outdoors. Anyway, Grace started screaming, "Mrs. Heather, Mrs. Heather!!" Then all the girls started yelling and jumping up and down. Then, Grace went really wild, because Heather was carrying flowers. Heather brought me a beautiful bouquet of brightly colored daisies, just to let me know that she was thinking of me this week. So sweet!! It was a tangible reminder of how loved I am!! Loved by Him and loved by so many people that He has placed in my life. Thank you, Heather!!

"Thank you" hardly seems adequate, but here goes...Thank you Lord for saving me and for loving me. Thank you for your patience with me. Thank you for your faithfulness. Thank you for your forgiveness, for your grace, and for your mercy. Thank you for continuing to grow me and teach me. Thank you for my parents and for Wesley.

Thank you, Mom. Thank you, Daddy. Thank you, Wesley.

Maybe I will do a part 2 and continue this list sometime, but right now I must get to bed. I'll be a single parent again tomorrow!!