Jude ~ The Whole Story ~ Part 1

I'm going to start a little before Jude's beginning. After Elizabeth was born we did nothing to prevent another "little Minor blessing". I was actually surprised based on our past that we did not receive news any sooner than we did, but then in the first few days of May we learned that indeed we were expecting again!! :) While we were both very excited, I had that gut feeling that something wasn't right. My fears were confirmed when we miscarried Memorial Day weekend. I was between 6-8 weeks. My cycle had been off and we were not really sure of how far along I was. Then the ultrasounds looked off too. We saw the sac and fetal pole, but the baby never developed to the point that we could see a heartbeat. That baby was our 9th child, my 4th miscarriage, but my only "early" miscarriage. My doctor reminded me how often "those kind" of miscarriages occur. (I'm totally not minimizing early miscarriages, just stating that they are the most common. I do recognize that it's still the loss of a child and still heartbreaking.) We were obviously very sad, but we had never made a big announcement that we were expecting so we just kind of kept it to ourselves for the most part. Even our kiddos did not know we were expecting. I guess we mostly kept it quiet because from the beginning I had the feeling that something wasn't right.

I'll be honest, I was pretty discouraged after that loss. I felt like maybe it was time to be done. Others have suggested that to us in the past saying things like, "How many times are you going to let yourself be hurt like this." I thought well maybe they are right. Maybe it is time to stop. We decided to prevent for a few months while we prayed and sought God's will regarding future children. Well God made His will known a few weeks later when one Sunday afternoon I lost my lunch. I remember thinking...."Oh that seems very familiar." The next day I woke up feeling pretty lousy, and I thought, "No, way...I can't be." I told a girlfriend that I wasn't feeling well and she laughed and instantly assumed I must be pregnant even though I was telling her that I could not be. I also told Wesley and he instantly agreed with me that it could not be. Later on that day, I took a home pregnancy test. And you all know the result!! I was surprised this time. Truly surprised. But oh so happy!! And so begins the story of our 10th baby...the Lord had given us Jude.

One of the reasons I was surprised is because I had been spotting off and on a lot after my miscarriage and had thought that I had my cycle just a couple weeks before. I guess really things just had never returned to normal after the miscarriage. I guess my whole body was a little out of whack, because I had stopped nursing around this same time. With the pregnancy and miscarriage, my milk supply just really took a hit. So anyway, I had no idea what to expect as far as how far along I might be. I even had a thought once that maybe I had actually never miscarried. I called my doctor's office and discussed everything with them, and they had me come in a few days later. My first ultrasound with Jude revealed that I was already 6 weeks along!! We could instantly see a healthy baby and healthy heartbeat!! Previously I've always known I was pregnant very early, like 4 weeks. It was nice to already be off to a healthy start and not to have to wait for that first appointment.

In my 9 previous pregnancies, I've known the gender every time (believe that Baby # 9 was probably a boy, but it was never confirmed) before the ultrasound revealed it. I believe it is some God given special intuition. With Jude, the moment I saw the positive test, I knew that #10 was a boy!! I just knew it. Of course with my history, I was pretty nervous about the idea of being pregnant with a boy. I instantly started praying and reading everything I could AGAIN and doing all the research I could about miscarriages, miscarriages occurring with just male babies, etc. My doctor was also very concerned. He told me if I was right, he did not think the odds of me having a healthy baby boy were very good. He went back over everything as well trying to be sure that we had not missed anything, just trying to figure out if there was anything that could be done to save our boy. (I also wrote about this a few post back.) He started monitoring very closely and referred me to another perinatologist. (I've seen a couple others over the years.) I'll share more about that visit later in this post. In spite of it all, I felt pretty good about this pregnancy.

We were having weekly ultrasounds and at 14 weeks, Jude revealed himself to be all boy!!! We had named him weeks earlier. Wesley and I had discussed names when I was pregnant with Baby #9 and we both really liked Jude. Our pastor had been preaching from the book of Jude and several of the sermons had really blessed me. I read the book of Jude several times. I also LOVE that Jude in Scripture was the half brother to Jesus. And I LOVED how Jude fit together with the middle name we wanted to use. The middle had come to us months and months earlier while having lunch with Papa and Nana. It occurred to me that because they were never able to have children of their own, they did not have someone to carry on their name. In my heart I prayed and asked the Lord to give us a male child to name after them. Later I shared the idea with Wesley, he loved it, and agreed that if we had the chance we would use their name. After finding out we were pregnant with #10 and just feeling so sure it was a boy, we decided that if we were right it would indeed be Jude Mathes.

I believe that the Lord confirmed Jude's gender and name to me a few days later when late one night I was in bed reading the book, "One Thousand Gifts". I LOVE THIS BOOK!!! If you haven't read it, go get it immediately and read it!! It has been/continues to be life altering to me. I know that this book helped prepare me for now. The book is about thanksgiving and gratitude and seeing the Lord's goodness in all things. So one night while reading this book I got to a part in the book that made me start to drift off and think about my children's names and why we named each of them what we did and what their names mean. It occurred to me that for the first time ever, I had not looked up what a name meant before deciding on it. I thought, "Oh no!!! What if I don't like what Jude means." I jumped out of bed and literally ran to the computer to look up the meaning. Guess what?!! Jude means THANKS!!!!!!!!!!! While I'm reading a book on thanks!! While the Lord is doing such a work in my heart about thanksgiving and praise!!!! HE gives us the name Jude, and it means THANKS!!!!! Doesn't that give you a chill all over? Doesn't it make the hair stand up on your arms?!!! It did me then, and as I write this right now it does again. I'm in awe of His greatness!!

I love saying his name, writing his name, hearing his name, seeing his name in print. Jude. Jude Mathes. Jude Mathes Minor. Don't you love it too?!!! Especially now that you know the story behind the name!

At that moment, I knew that I knew that I knew that I knew that Jude was indeed a boy and that no name could ever be more perfect. That no child could ever be more fearfully, wonderfully, perfectly created. And I fell even deeper in love with the child whose name means thanks!! And I felt so thankful for him. I think this was around the time that I began to think of Jude as my "Miracle Boy"!!

Jude is still my Miracle Boy. Our Miracle Boy. There are actually many miracles if one is really looking. Not the miracle(s) I would have chosen for myself necessarily, but then God knows so much better than we do, right? I remember writing something similar after losing Joshua. It's not easy to see this in that light, but I know that it's truth. I will write more about the miracles I see later in this post.

Oh how I LOVE this boy. Oh how I miss him. So, so much! Thanks for reading his story. It may seem long, but really it is a very short story considering I will be able to write all of the details of his entire life in two maybe three sittings. I'm praying that while his short life may be detailed in a few pages of print, his impact on God's kingdom will be immeasurable. It would bless my soul to know that his story affected just one person. Prayerfully that person would impact at least one more. And the love of Christ might be spread just a bit further all because a loving Creator saw fit to form a little boy who grew in his mother's womb.

To Be Continued