Do I really believe?

All day today, I felt like there was something significant to this date. October 28, 2009. I knew it was not a birthday or anniversary. I knew it was not one of the dates for any of our miscarriages, although there is one coming later this week. I just could not pinpoint what it was. Then just a few minutes ago as I was enjoying this beautiful weather and the changing colors outside, I remembered. October 28, 2006. It was a day a lot like today, three years ago when my faith was first truly tested.

It was a Saturday, and our family in conjunction with our church held a block party in the cul-de-sac that we live in. I stood before a group of people and shared my testimony of God's goodness and faithfulness in my life. I had no idea that in just a few hours everything that I had just said would be tested. The next day was Sunday. I remember feeling concern about my pregnancy throughout the day as we went about activities at church. Nothing was happening, I just had this nagging feeling. I even shared my concern with others and ask for prayer. Later that night, I ended up starting to spot some, and we went to the hospital. Soon after, a doctor would confirmed one of my greatest fears. By this time it was after midnight on Sunday night/Monday morning, October 29, 2006. Our 4th child, Samuel Thomas Minor was not longer living inside of me.

I had had struggles in my life before, but this was the first big test of my faith. It was no coincidence that this would occur so soon after I stood before an audience of family, friends, and neighbors and shared about God's hand on my life. It was time to find out if I really believed what I said I believed. Did I really believe in God's love and faithfulness? I can say today that I do believe what I said 3 years ago on October 28, 2006. My faith was challenged and is still being challenged. Sometimes I have felt strong and confident. Other times I have felt weak and unsure. It has been and continues at times to be a difficult road. Sometimes it's hard to look back and see growth, but I know it's there and it continues. And I know it will continue, because...

Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ. Philippians 1:6

The picture at the top is from May of this year while I was pregnant with Joshua.