Remembering Joshua

So I'm not really completely back from my break yet. We have a temporary solution to our computer problem, but I'm still trying to limit my computer time. It's a crazy busy season in my life, but one I'm enjoying. AND, God is teaching me so much lately. I'm really trying to enjoy my kiddos and focus on being the wife and mother God wants me to be. BUT, I am jumping on here tonight for a quick update and to take time to remember the sweet baby boy that we lost just one year ago this week.

First, Elizabeth and I are doing very well. I'm 23 weeks tomorrow. Everything still seems to be perfect. Wesley just started his summer schedule which allows him to be home in the evenings. We all love this. He's also taking great care of all of us as usual. And, he's very motivated these days to "get things done". Luke and Grace are enjoying a break from school. Luke is loving the great outdoors. Grace's Kindergarten Graduation was last week. Mary Ruth can't wait to start school. And, Bella Peace is growing in new ways everyday. She gave up her pacifier last Sunday and started potty training (doing very, very well) today. There's so much more to say. So much more has been going on. Fun times.

It may seem sad that after this long break my primary season for getting on here tonight is to write about Joshua and not all the great things going on in our lives right now. But, this is my way of remembering. I don't want to forget. Joshua was and is our son. He want to remember him and HIM. So, tonight I'm remembering. Yes, it's sad. But, I have grown. My faith has increased. Sorrow and joy are very intermingled.

So it was exactly one year ago today. The date was May 20, but it was the Wednesday of this same week. Without a thought that something might be wrong, I went to the doctor at a little over 15 weeks pregnant with the kiddos for a regular OB appointment and found out that something was wrong, very wrong. The next morning Thursday, May 21 I went back for another ultrasound and confirmed what I had been told the day before. "Your baby appears to be dying." I remember crying out to God all day long on Wednesday, May 20 last year begging Him to let our baby live knowing that His will may be different than what I desired. I didn't understand why in His sovereignty He chose to take our baby. I still don't understand. Even though we had lost 2 baby boys before Joshua, losing Joshua was hard. Very hard. I think it's because I was just so caught off guard. I didn't see it coming. Not me. Not again. I questioned God more than ever. My faith was challenged and tested. I guess what I've learned more than anything else is that He can take it. He can take our questions, our anger. Ultimately, my faith is stronger. I know that He can bring me through very dark times. I trust Him more. Crazy, huh?

Last week one of my dearest and closest friends went into the same doctor's office and looked at the same ultrasound monitor while the same ultrasound tech saw practically the same thing. What? How could this be happening like this. Almost exactly a year later. In almost the same way. This week, I've walked an all too familiar road with this friend. It's heartbreaking. Devastating. Instead of grieving for Joshua, I've been very preoccupied with grieving with my friend. All I can really say is, "This ain't heaven." While we walk on this earth we are going to face trials, hurts, sorrows. Scripture promises it. Quite frankly, it sucks. It really does. But, God will turn our mourning into dancing. Joy will come in the morning. He will give us beauty for ashes. He will make all things beautiful in His time. He loves us more than we can fathom. He will use this for our good and His glory. At times when you are in the midst of the pain, this doesn't always offer much comfort. But, truth is truth. And this is true.

Rachael, my heart breaks with yours. I love you friend.

I started a post quite a while back that I never finished where I included this picture of my kids with Rachael's.


She and I were so excited to FINALLY be pregnant at the same time, due close to each other. When she shared the news with me, I remember immediately praying and asking God to allow both of us to have our babies because I knew that it would hurt for either of us to be in the position to carry on without the other. That's exactly what He's asked of us. I'm continuing to carry Elizabeth while Rachael has had to say good-bye. Lord, help us both.

This picture isn't complete. It won't be this side of heaven.

This ain't heaven.

Sweet baby Joshua. I miss you. I think of you and wonder what you would have looked like. Who would you have looked like? What kind of personality would you have had? So many questions. I imagine you playing with your siblings and with the children of our friends. I love you sweet boy. I can't wait until I meet you face to face. I haven't forgotten. I never will. Your Daddy and siblings remember you too. Luke, Grace, and Mary Ruth often still talk of you. They tell people that they have 3 brothers in heaven. I know that you are complete, perfect, healthy, happy, and glorifying your Creator in Heaven. That comforts me. I know that you have welcomed another sweet one this past week. It makes me smile to know that Rachael and I have children who are friends in Heaven just like our children are friends on Earth. What a sweet thought. Love you forever.

It's Wes here. Read at your own risk.

This is officially my first blog post. I feel a little more tech savvy than usual. It doesn't take much for me to impress myself does it. Update on baby. Jennifer went Thursday to the doctor. Everything is great. Thank you Lord. Heartrate was at 143bpm. Baby Elizabeth measured exactly 20 weeks.

When Jennifer first thought of our blog title "My Cup Runneth Over" we joked that sometimes it's more like "My Cup Spilled Over", know what I mean. There are many days like that, aren't there. Well, the Lord blessed me tonight with it running over. I got to be home for dinner which is a miracle, and dinner was just a hoot. Maybe it was because today was our last day of school, but we had an especially great time together at dinner. We had the windows up during dinner and I told Jennifer the neighbors are probably thinking one of two things: "That family is completely out of control" or "that family is having a bunch of fun". It was a little of both for sure, but we had a great evening together.

It's been another reminder how truly wealthy I am. Jennifer ask me later after our "date-in-bag" (movie rental and junk food at home) could I believe I was about to have 5 children to be responsible for. I told her no. And I told her it is some accomplishment by God that I can somehow manage to keep 6 and soon 7 people reasonably fed and sheltered. How blessed I am. I dont know if tomorrow's gonna be a "running over" day or a "spilling over" day but tonight sure has been a good one.

In Christ Alone
Wes

Computer Break

Well I never did finish my blog projects. I have several post in my head including finishing my "March Madness" post, Grace's birthday post, writing about my mom's retreat, and sharing what God is teaching me these days. BUT, nevertheless, it's time for my computer break. This comes mostly by necessity, because after this morning I will be without a home computer at least temporarily. Our home computer crashed a while back, and we've had a temporary solution that is ending today. Although I would not chose this myself, it's probably a good thing. No, it is a good thing. Sometimes I spend too much time on the computer. Also sometimes I get more caught up in recording every moment and miss out of enjoying them as they come.

So, I will have Wesley post baby updates from work and will take advantage of opportunties to update when I'm around a computer. I'm not sure how long this will last, but I will be back!!

Here's an email I sent out to let family and friends know of this break. I think it's cute and funny. So I thought I would share it here.

Just wanted to let you all know that I will be without a computer for a while. GASP!!! A while back our computer crashed, and we've had a temporary solution that has ended. Maybe this will be a good thing. Will no computer = more productivity? We will see! I will have Wesley occassionally check my email from work and pass on information to me. I'm usually pretty terrible at answering the phone and returning calls, but with no computer and school ending Friday, I hope to do better. So if you need me, please call me instead of emailing me.

BTW, did you catch that, school ends this FRIDAY!!! Whoo Hoo!!

Please continue to pray for baby Elizabeth and Mommy. We have our 20 week appointment tomorrow! Also please pray for a quick resolution to our computer issues and good productivity while without a computer. Finally, pray for the work that God is doing in our lives right now. We have been, currently are, and probably will always be on quite a journey of faith. If there's anything I can pray with you about, please email me, no wait make that call me! Ha, ha!!

Encouraging Quotes

I came across this quote on another blog last night:

"Never give up. This may be your moment for a miracle."

Then this one in my devotion today:

"The glory of tomorrow is rooted in the drudgery of today."

Also our pastor has delivered some powerful, convicting, and encouraging sermons lately. Just never enough time to write about it all!

What's For Dinner?

We had a fun but busy day around the house today. We just finished a small science book that we've been working through, and I decided that we would do some crafts related to some of our recent topics. We got started right away after our afternoon rest time. I included Bella Peace, and she loved it! When she was done, she kept insisting that everyone look at her school work! So cute!! When we were all finished I had promised a little more outside time, so out we all went. Time got away from me, and before I knew it I was late getting in to start dinner. I hurried in to get started and realized I was missing a key ingredient. Tomorrow is our grocery day and our cupboards are literally pretty bare. So the question, what's for dinner? "Old Mother Hubbard, she lived in a shoe. She had so many children she didn't know what to do." That may not be the correct way that nursery rhyme goes, but that's the way I remembered it in my moment. Ha, ha! So it's 6:00 PM, already our dinner time. I don't really have what I need for my meal, and it would take a while anyway. Wesley was working late, so he couldn't just pick something up. And, I had NO desire to load everyone up to go get something. SO, I did what any I could. We had cereal and brownies (left over from a meeting I had last night) for dinner. As I was serving it up, feeling a little Charlie Brownish, I thought of several moms I know who are mentors to me who have told me in the past, "sometimes it's OK to serve them cereal for dinner." The funniest part of this whole story is that when Mary Ruth saw what we were having, she smiled the best smile and said, "Mommy you are such a good mommy and such a good cooker." That girl is too funny sometimes!!

OK, now it's your turn. Please tell me I'm not alone! I want to hear what you all have served your kiddos for dinner!!

She's Got a Name

So if you haven't already heard, we've named our sweet baby girl!! We actually named her about a month ago, immediately after learning she was indeed a girl. I've just not had the time/made the time to write about it. So without further ado, here name is:

"Elizabeth Faith Minor"

I'm sure that it would be loads of fun to not find out what our baby was until the delivery room, but it's loads of fun to find out also!! We were set on not finding out Joshua's gender, but since Joshua and the concern that our losses have been gender related, finding out is what we feel is best. Our doctor agrees.

For me the bond just seems to grow more beautiful and stronger once we find out and even more so once we have a name. We call our girl by name, refer to her by name, and even pray of her by name.

I cannot begin to express the love I feel for Elizabeth. I just love, love, love her so much already. I dream of seeing her for the first time in person, touching her, cuddling her, smelling her. Oh, I can't wait!!!

So Wesley has a friend from whose wife is expecting their first baby. He recently ask Wesley how in the world we come up with our baby names, because they are having a very hard time deciding. We do have a little method to our madness. I have so enjoyed naming our babies!! For the record, as I know you know, we've come up with 8 thus far:

Luke Wesley
Grace Marie
Mary Ruth (double name)
Samuel Thomas
Isaiah Ray
Bella Peace (double name)
Elizabeth Faith

Do you notice any trends?

Part of each child's name is some how taken from the Bible. The other part has been a family name until Elizabeth. We just really love this name combo, and it's getting a little hard to stick with the formula. Maybe some time I will tell the complete story behind each name. Each one is so special too me. For now, I will just share the story behind Elizabeth's name.

We've liked the name Joy Elizabeth for a long time. But, we also have a rule that our child must be called by their first name or double name. We prefer not to use their middle name as the name they go by. Just a personal preference. We also decided that we didn't want to use another double name right now. So that meant that "Joy Elizabeth" would be called "Joy". While we love the name Joy, we know several and just didn't feel like that was the right name for us this time. But, we still both really, really loved the name Elizabeth. We not only loved the name, but also loved what we knew of Elizabeth in the Bible. In Luke 1:6, scripture says that Elizabeth and her husband "...were righteous before God, walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless." What else could we ever hope or dream for our daughter but that she and her husband would be described this way. Elizabeth was considered a deeply spiritual woman. She fully trusted God and believed that what He said would happen, would indeed happen. She trusted in His time table. So there it was. Elizabeth. Her first name.

Now for a middle name. We considered a couple different middle names, trying to find a family name that worked. Then my good friend and next door neighbor reminded me of a name we had considered in the past, Faith. Almost immediately, I knew that had to be the name. The past couple years, especially the past year has been such a journey of faith for me, for us. From a deepened faith to a crisis of faith, hopefully to a even deeper faith again. How could we not go with this name. Plus, Elizabeth in the Bible demonstrated great faith in the Lord. Once again, what a great dream/hope for our daughter. I text Wesley the name put together, "Elizabeth Faith". He replied, "Great Potential"! By the end of the day, we both confidently knew that the daughter we already loved now had a name we loved as well!!

I don't think I've posted my officially due date. Very early on, I said September 18th. Later my doctor gave me September 16th as Elizabeth's official "EDD" (medically speaking the approximate expected date of delivery). We are almost half way. We CAN NOT WAIT TO MEET HER! Our Elizabeth!

19 Weeks

Not too much to report at 19 weeks. I was actually 19 weeks yesterday. I'm going to the doctor every other week now, and this is not my week to go. I'm just barely feeling occasional twitches. I'll be so glad to feel more regular movement. Most people do by this point, I guess I don't because I have a long torso. That's my guess anyway. One thing we know is that she is quite a mover! I'm sure when I do start feeling her all the time, it's going to be quite fun!!

There have been times in the past couple days that I've had to work hard no taking my fears/worries/concerns captive. Feeling some occasional movement, but not consistent everyday movement makes me a little crazy. I start thinking well it's been a very long time since I felt movement, does that mean something is wrong? It also seems like my growing belly has stalled out. I'm sure all is well, it's just hard for me with my past not to start to worry. Needless to say, I'm looking forward to seeing our sweet girl on ultrasound next Thursday at 20 weeks, the half way point!! Whoo Hoo!!