He is Good!!

Some days I can get easily discouraged. Some times I feel a bit fragile. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's hormones, after all Elizabeth is just 4 months old. Maybe it's sin, I can easily let myself be discontent. Maybe it's Satan. He always knows exactly how to get me. The wrong doctor might even diagnose me as being bipolar, because I ebb and flow with my ups and downs. I've said before that I'm living my dream, but sometimes it's still hard. I cannot express how much I love my husband and my children. There are not words!! And as crazy as it is, I would gladly, lovingly, willingly accept more children. But being a Mommy is a big responsibility. It's hard. Add homeschool in there, and it's even harder. Rewarding, YES!! But, hard. I think that's were the ups and downs come in. I LOVE my life so much, but sometimes the pressure and responsibility drain me. I feel tired. Then I can easily look around and feel discouraged. I also get scared. Am I teaching them everything they need to know... academically and spiritually. Am I helping to grow them physically by feeding them well. I hear my girlfriends talking about shopping at Earth Fare and sharing their great healthy recipes, and I think about my reality which is that many days I celebrate the fact that I picked up some canned soup really cheap when I was couponing because that's about all I feel like I can pull together for dinner that night.

SO, today. Today I was discouraged in how our school day was going. My mother in love is on her way to my house for a visit. My house is a mess by the way. And then there was a character issue with one of my children today. It was kind of a biggie, and we spent a lot of time working through it, addressing it, dealing with it. In the moment in the back of my mind I was thinking, I don't have time for this. We've got to do math and clean this house for company. But after it was over and I put the kiddos down for a rest period, the Lord reminder me of the fact that teaching them to know and love Him is the absolute most important thing. I have to be reminder of this nearly every day.

Then I started thinking back to a few years ago. When Mary Ruth was born, I had 3 children under 3. I remember feeling stressed on occasion (by on occasion I really mean like all the time!) then too. I remember trying to cook dinner at night and trying to keep all three safely occupied. It seemed that every time I got ready to walk out the door I realized that someone had a dirty diaper. By the time I changed that diaper, someone else would have a dirty diaper. I still have dirty diapers to change, but it's different b/c only one is in diapers and her bum is so little it hardly counts. :) I have more big ones that little ones. I have the older ones to help. It's not me and 3 babies anymore. One of my greatest concerns back then was that I did not play with or interact with my three little ones enough. I can look back now on that and laugh!! What was I thinking? I was with them playing and interacting every single moment. Hahaha!! Our biggest discipline issues then were things like not touching the VCR. Often other moms with older children would warn me to appreciate those days and even those struggles, because the concerns grow bigger as the child grows bigger. I that often I thought, surely they've forgotten. But, now I'm beginning to see that. Now instead of touching the VCR, I have to watch out for attitudes and heart issues. Things that you cannot correct with just a pop on the hand. AND, I am fully aware of the fact that while now these things are big to me now, in a few years I will realize that these were the easy days.

Someone told me one day that these times are easier, because at the end of the day I can put them all to bed and know that they are safe at home in bed. One day I will go to sleep worrying about where they are or what they are doing or if they are safe. I know this is true. Another older, wiser friend said this, "When they are little you lose sleep due to feeding time. When they are children you can lose sleep to sickness, nightmares or a number of things. When they are older you lose sleep to worry or arguments." Again so true. I'm sure more true than I realize right now. Last Sunday, a sweet girlfriend (there's a link right there) of my said, "the days are long, but years are short." Makes me want to cry!!

Well I had all this stuff floating around in my mind and then, then I sat down to check my email. I had an email from a friend that is going through a very difficult situation right now. I also had an update from a friend who currently is undergoing treatment for breast cancer. The strength, courage, and grace that she has amidst her circumstances made a huge impact on me. I was overwhelmed by the emotion I felt as I read over these emails and prayer requests.

All of these events have led me to fall before my Lord and thank Him, to praise Him, and ask Him to forgive me for my discontentment. He's blessed me so much. My family and the privilege to serve them is a gift! It is a big responsibility indeed, and He has entrusted me! I pray that the Lord will grant me strength, courage, grace, and wisdom for my daily little struggles. I pray that I would appreciate these days, and not take them for granted. I hope that you are encourage to do the same. Now I must go and teach my children, clean my house (remember my mother-in-love is on her way), wipe bottoms, prepared dinner, occupy little ones...

"The days are long, but the years are short."