Results

Thanks to all of you who have contacted me this week asking about the results from the genetic testing done on Joshua. We did get the results this week. It was exactly as I had expected. In every way that it is possible for us to know, Joshua was completely healthy. The results indicated no genetic or chromosome abnormalities or defects, no syndromes, no anything. The placenta was also tested and no abnormalities were found in it either. What we can conclude from the ultrasounds, visually seeing Joshua, and now these results, is that the problem was not with Joshua. Whatever happened seems to have something to do with my body. We feel pretty confident that whatever happened with Joshua, it's the same thing that happened with Samuel and Isaiah too.

These results have caused me to ponder this: Ok, there's something wrong within me. But, regardless of that fact, God is in control and decided to call these babies home. He could have just as easily allow the babies to live, but choose (for reasons we don't fully understand) to take them. The fact that apparently there's something wrong with me really has nothing to do with it, but yet it does. Confusing? Yes. But I at the same time I get it. I think. I was talking about this with Wesley and after the end of a long series of these type statements and questions, he said, "Yes. Yes, but don't try to understand it. God is in control. God is sovereign."

So why am I looking for answers? I guess, because that is what we do. We obviously want to know if there is anything we can do, and want to make wise future decisions. We also want to know for the sake of our current children. If what ever is happening to me is going to effect them one day, it would be nice to know that in advance. Ultimately, we may never know. And, there may be nothing to correct. Of course, there was nothing we could have corrected with Samuel, Isaiah, or Joshua. God numbered their days. They would be here if it had been His plan. It was not His plan.

I know that no matter what we ever find out or what we don't find out, whether or not we have more children is all in His hands. We are pursuing medical answers, but we ultimately trust that God is in control. We will take any information we learn and pray and seek His will regarding our future decisions. Having said that, I believe I may have a rare condition where the antibodies in my body attack a male child. I've done lots of research on my own. It only occurs in women whose first pregnancy is with a male child. I discussed this with my doctor. He says he also thinks it could be a possibly, but says it's out of his field. He has suggested we see a reproductive endocrinologist for further testing and has referred us to Dr. Andrew Harper, here in Huntsville. If anyone knows anything about this doctor, please email me and let me know. I like to know a little something about a doctor before going. We currently have an appointment set up on Aug 3rd.

I still find it so hard to believe that this is happening to me. It's don't think, "oh, why me". I just never expected something like this happen to me. My plan was to have lots and lots of babies with no problems. Does anyone ever see something like this coming? I know a couple of folks that are always convinced that they either have cancer, a brain tumor, or something, or that they are going to have it someday. I usually think of these folks as nut cases! I think that generally people are surprised to learn they have something wrong within their body. I'm pretty sure Jeff was shocked and surprised a few years ago to learn that he had cancer. I know that it took Matt and Heather by surprised to discover that they may never have a biological child. It has stunned us all to hear about Janie's recent possible diagnosis of "MS". Why are we surprised? I know personally I take so much for granted in life. I go around making my plans all the time, and I expect that it's all going to go according to my plan. Here I am, once again, striving and desiring to be able to say, "Not my will, but Your will be done, O Lord!"

I feel like I've done a lot of rambling on and on in this post. I guess I'm trying to sort out things in my own head and taking anyone reading this post along with me. I think I will move on to less serious stuff for now.

To recap our last week, Wesley and I really enjoyed our weekend away. Luke, Grace, and Mary Ruth stayed at home. First with a family friend who came to sit with them on Friday and later by their Aunt Heather and Glory who stayed the weekend. Since Bella Peace requires more attention, we decided to let her stay with other great friends, the Benefields. We received good reports on all the children. Which of course made us very happy. The Benefields are trying to claim visitation rights after having Bella Peace for the weekend. We will see what we can work out. :)

On Tuesday, we had yearly pictures taken of all the children at Target. I cannot wait to get the pictures back in two weeks!!! I have lots of pictures of the kiddos around the house. But, I especially like to replace the frames on our wall in the living room with a new picture each year. Wednesday I spent a good part of the day preparing for our upcoming school year. And today, I spent most of the time preparing to go out of town again and playing catch up with my Bible study. Time is flying by!

And yes, we are leaving town again. We are going to visit family that we haven't gotten the chance to see in a while and are looking forward to celebrating Independence Day on Saturday. May it be a safe and fun holiday weekend all! I also pray that that we would remember that this holiday is about more than cook-outs and fireworks. Well, I'm off to bed!

Love,
Jennifer