So I haven't blogged in a long time. It's hard for me to just jump back in and not try to catch up on the past 6 months, but I'm doing the hard thing. I'm jumping in with news from today. News that Wesley and I have been kicked out!! We've been kicked out of marriage counseling!! I know that could sound like a bad thing depending on why we were kicked out, (ha, ha!!) but it turns out that they think we are ready to fly on our own again. :)
To tell you about how we got to today I'll need to back up a little. So settle in for a minutes, because this is worth reading, and let's go back a few months or maybe a little further....
Wesley and I just celebrated 15 years of marriage. It has been a very, very good 15 years. Really it's been 18 years. I knew he was "the one" from the very beginning. No one could be more right for me! For 18 years we've been best friends. But late last year we started having some trouble. Stress seemed to come from every angle including the fact that had just suffered the loss of another baby. By the first of the year we were arguing more and communicating less. It was hard on us both. We were used to talking for an hour each night as we went to bed, but slowly we stopped going to bed at the same time all together.
Around that same time we found out that a couple we knew who had been married for a lot longer than us had separated. I just could not believe it. This couple was an amazing Godly couple who had it all together. They were happy. They had great jobs. A great house. Great kids. How could this be happening to them? And could what was happening to them happen to us? It was a scary thought. Wesley and I were both shaken up by this thought and desperately wanted to to get help. We missed being best friends.
Sidebar: I do not know what God has in store for our friends who are now going through a divorce. It is so, so very heartbreaking. I am much closer to the wife than the husband, and I know that she is totally heartbroken. She loves the Lord and would do anything to restore her family. I cannot understand the pain their family is experiencing, but I do know that God has a good plan. I know that God can and does use these kind of things for good. As devastating as their situation is, I believe that God has already used it for good in that it served as a wake up call in our lives. I'm praying for much more good to come from it!!
So there we were. Struggling in our marriage for the first time. I remember feeling shocked that we were struggling, because our marriage had been the one most constant stable good thing in my life. It had always been easy. We'd been really happy and had never really had trouble. But all of a sudden we both knew that things were not going so well.
Fortunately our church offers free biblical counseling. It was very hard to swallow our pride and admit to anyone we needed help. For the most part we looked really good on the outside. No one knew we were struggling. I wasn't sure that I wanted to sit across from counselors who are also fellow members of our church and air our dirty laundry or more specifically to share the truth about myself. I did not want other people to know that we did not/do not really have it all together. Also I thought maybe we would be wasting their time. Isn't marriage counseling for couples who have really serious problems like infidelity or something? Should we really take up their time? Finally one day I felt like I was at a breaking point, and I mustered up the courage to make a phone call.
It started with a simple phone call. I remember telling the counselor on the other line how much Wesley and I really both love each other and how little daily life stresses had just started taking their toll. She spoke with such a sweet, soft, calm spirit (something I so desire!), and she was so very encouraging. Now 5 months later after a ton of homework, a bucket full of tears, and a lot of Scripture and prayer, Wesley and I are truly best friends again. We are better than ever! I'm so thankful that we went. So thankful that the Holy Spirit nudged us both and helped us both have a willing spirit towards counseling.
I wrote earlier about how good our marriage had always been and how all of a sudden we were having problems. You know the truth is our marriage had never been perfect and there had always been little areas that we needed to work on. Also the things that were happening were not really "all of a sudden" after all. We had gotten by for 14 years pretty well, but when we really started to feel the pressure of long days, short nights, grief and loss, and really tough decisions we became weary and things started to fall apart. We were just not equipped like we needed to be to cope with these things. Biblical counseling has helped us to be more equipped.
Counseling has not only greatly improved our marriage, but it has swung the doors wide open and revealed so much to me about me. About the me I am. About the me I have been. About the me I want to be. And most importantly about the me I can be with Christ. I've struggled for years with my relationship with the Lord, because quite honestly I want to have it all - the whole, complete abundant life - without nurturing the relationship. I have wanted things - not material things, good things, like children for example - but I have wanted these things more than the Giver of these things. I still have a long way to go, but I am making baby steps. And I guess that is one of the greatest lessons for me in all this. Change does not come easy. It takes purposeful, consistent, intentional steps. It takes time. I have been so easily discouraged for years by the fact that changes does not come quick. I have wanted everything my way and in my time. I still want it that way, but I'm learning, slowly learning, to surrender my wants and my timing to Him.
Counseling has not been easy, but I'm
As I wrap up let me say that my main purpose in sharing is to encourage anyone else who might be in a similar situation. Whether it's in your marriage, in another relationship, or in your own personal relationship with the Lord. Swallow your pride. Speak to someone who is willing to offer true Godly counsel. Call the church about counseling if necessary. If you seek counseling from somewhere other than our church, please make sure that you are getting good sound biblical counseling, because nothing but The Word truly has the power to bring real lasting change.
Our biblical counseling sessions may have stopped, but I'm so encouraged that this is not the end. It's just the beginning!
Did I mention that I LOVE THIS MAN?!!!!
Top picture was taken on our 15th anniversary before we went out to dinner. Bottom picture was after church one Sunday a while back.
*This post was actually started yesterday 6/20 and finished today.
