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Thursday, June 25, 2009

Getting away for the weekend!

That's right! Wesley and I are leaving tomorrow morning for a weekend getaway! We have an agenda as we will be going to the CHEF (Christian Home Educators Fellowship) Convention in Birmingham. But, it's still a getaway for us. We are looking forward to it. We will however miss the kiddos. We've never been away from Bella Peace this long and only rarely been away from the others for this amount of time.

My last post was about how down I was. Unfortunately, it continued through all day on Sunday which did not make for the best Father's Day for Wesley. But, the sun came up on Monday and it was a new day with new mercies! Our week has been jammed packed! We had a friend out of Monday, and I was so encouraged by her visit. I think her visit helped me to get over my pity party. Then, of course, we could not miss our free Chick-Fil-A on Tuesday. This week we've also had really late nights with VBS. Our church did it at night for the first time that I am aware of. Getting there has been easier than getting there early in the morning, but the late nights have really taken a toll on everyone. We've also been making preparations for this weekend. Wesley and I have scratched many things off our "home projects to do" list, because we wanted the house in order before our get away weekend. It's so good to get things done! I like to cross things off my list!

On another note, my doctor's office called and said our results from genetic testing done on Joshua are in. My doctor has been on vacation and will review the results on Monday when he returns. We should be going in sometime next week to discuss those results. I'll post whatever we find out. I don't even know what pray for regarding the results. Ultimately, we would like to have other children. Beyond that, I guess all I can ask is to pray for peace and acceptance regardless of the results and for me to get to the place where I can truly say, "not my will, but Yours Lord."

Please also pray for Wesley's brother and his wife Matt and Heather. They have suffered greatly with infertility and very recently suffered the loss of a child as the result of a failed adoption. Tonight I heard of an adoption possibly for them. It would do all of our family good if God saw fit to bless them with this child that is due in 2 short weeks! "Only Your will God, not ours!"

Thanks for checking in and praying for us!

Love,
Jennifer

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Ups and Downs

Tonight I'm down, very down. I would have been 19 weeks pregnant this week, almost half way. I'm so sad that I'm not. It comes and goes. The past several days have been good, but I'm feeling a big cry coming on tonight! Guess I will get on with it.

Jennifer

New Bible Study and Some Nuggets from the Bible

Last night (Thursday night), I started a new Bible study by Kay Arthur, "How to Study Your Bible For Kids." Our group decided to do the kid version, because after all doesn't scripture say we should come as a child (Matthew 18:3). Even though we've just started the study, I felt like my eyes were more open when I read my Bible today. Maybe it could have also been the fact that I began my reading today with a prayer based on Luke 24:45 which says, "Then opened He their understanding, that they might understand the scriptures." I've been praying for a deeper relationship with my Lord and more of a hunger for His word. I've always heard, the more you are in the Word, the more you will want to be in the Word. Lately that has been true for me. Our study has started with the book of Titus, but I am personally also reading in Psalms and Proverbs right now. These are a few of the verses that jumped off the page for me yesterday and today:

Psalm 78:32 "For all this they sinned still, and believed not for his wondrous works." How true is this of me too! The author is talking about the children of Israel and how they still sinned against God and failed to trust Him even after witnessing/experiencing first hand so many great miracles. I started to think of all the of His wondrous works in my life and how I still struggle with trusting Him. Very convicting, but a great reminder to me to remember His wondrous works and trust Him!

Psalm 79:9 "Help us, O God of our salvation, for the glory of thy name: and deliver us, and purge away our sins, for thy name's sake." Boy do I ever struggle in some areas! O, God purge away my sin, for your name sake! Purge away, purge away!

Psalm 108:12 "Give us help from trouble: for vain is the help of man." How often do I rely on someone to help me, come to my aid/rescue when I haven't sought God for help. I especially expect Wesley to "fix" everything. But, this verse reminded me only God can really "fix" what really needs "fixin". It's Him I should be running too! Of course, God can use "man" to help. Fortunately, He does use "my man" to help all the time!

Psalm 109:26-27 "Help me, O Lord my God: O save me according to thy mercy: That they may know that this is thy hand; that thou, Lord, hast done" This verse makes me think of so many areas in which I want to be able to say, look at what the Lord has done. And also so many areas in which I can say this about already. I would love this to me my testimony regarding the future of our family, more children, our finances, etc. I'm encouraged that this can be my testimony! I've just got to trust Him!

There were many more, but this is the last one for tonight:

Proverbs 19:23 "The fear of the Lord tendeth to life: and he that hath it shall abide satisfied; he shall not be visited with evil." Isn't everyone looking to "abide satisfied" and to "not be visited with evil." What do you know, right here in God's Word, the recipe..."The fear of the Lord". Of course it does say "satisfied" not "indulged".

I don't know about anyone else, but I've been encouraged through His Word. I'm feeling quite "satisfied" at this moment. Hopefully when I get up 6 hours from now, I will also feel satisfied with the sleep I'm getting tonight! Ha!

Good Night!
Jennifer

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Has it really been a week?

I can't believe it's been a week since I last posted. I guess that's because we've been so busy!! I guess this post will be a recap of the past week.

I'll start with my doctor's appointment last Wednesday. It was uneventful as we had prayed for. The results of the genetic testing done on the baby were not in yet. My doctor said it would be 2-4 more weeks before he would get the results. At that point, he said he would call so Wesley and I could come in together to discuss the findings. As soon as I know something, I will share it here.

This week has been a lot better. It could be because I've been too busy to think about things. I may have mentioned before that usually I'm OK as long as I'm busy. It's when things slow down that I start thinking about everything and get sad. But, I really think it's more that just being busy. I know that healing has begun. I also know it's a long road. I think in the last post, I said that my days were mostly hard. That's not the case this past week. I know there are many stages of grief (denial, anger, sadness, etc. I don't actually know them, I just know them, know what I mean?). I think that busyness might should be include the list of stages that come with grief, at least for me anyway. Another one could be irritability/impatience. I find myself constantly on edge, snappy, harsh, and impatient with the kids. I can't stand this!! I guess this would be my immediate prayer request this week, that I would put off irritability, impatience, harshness, rudeness, etc. and put on love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance. Now that I think about it, I guess that busyness and irritability are less stages of grief and more about coping with it, fleshful, sinful ways of coping. Ugh! I don't recommend this, and I think that's enough talk about it! Let's just pray that I find another way!

The busyness hasn't been bad, though. Actually it is very possible that I would have been this busy either way. School is out, it's summer, and we have a lot of people to spend time with, places to go, and things to do! A friend and her kiddos came to my house to watch my kiddos for me to go to the doctor last Wednesday. When I returned home, we all played together the rest of the afternoon. Later when our hubbies were off work, our families enjoyed dinner together. Thursday, we had other friends over to play for the day. Thursday night, Grace and I had a girls night out that included attending a Pamper Chef party (so fun!) and having ice cream afterwards.

Friday, me and the kiddos went to see a replica of the tabernacle that is spoke of in the book of Exodus. It was so cool and so hot!!! We were there about 1 1/2 hours, midday, in tents in the hot, hot sun, with no breeze! But the tabernacle tour was so interesting! We've just finished reading through the book of Exodus as a family, and I have read through Exodus on my own a few times. But I learned so much more by seeing the replica. Luke was really in to the tour as well, and he remember a lot of detail that he passed along to his Daddy later. The girls started off very interested as well. By the time it was all over, Grace and Mary Ruth were laid out on the ground practically crying because they were so hot. I was so glad I had carried some cold bottles of water in a cooler for after the tour. We are considering that our first day of school this year, only 169 days to go!

Saturday, Wesley's parents arrived to spend the weekend and to see Grace get baptized. Grace asked Jesus into her heart just two weeks after Luke did in October of last year. We spent the past several months counseling and discipling her to be sure she understood her decision and was ready for baptism. So, Sunday, June 14, 2009, Wesley had the privilege of baptizing Grace. It was a very special day. We gave Grace a new Bible, a real Bible, complete with her name engraved on it. Wesley also gave Grace a cross necklace and presented her with flowers after the baptism. Needless to say, she was one happy girl. Maybe I can post some pictures of her. Our computer has some bugs that need to be worked out, and we have dial up internet service which complicates things like posting pictures. I'll see what I can do. We celebrated with pizza and ice cream at home after church. Wesley's parents stayed through most of Monday.

That brings us to today. We once again enjoyed free Chick-Fil-A breakfast and then I tortured the kid with errands all over town. And that's our week-in-review! All that, plus playing outside, lots of time in the kiddo pool, bike riding, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. So see, it has been very busy! I don't necessary think that anyone is actually interested in our week-in-review, but I'm really trying hard to keep up with our life through this blog. It's something I've wanted to do for a long time, and I think it's fun! I've got plans for some deeper things I want to share here, just trying to find the time. Speaking of time, I'm all out of it for now!

Thanks again for everyone who is praying for us! It means so much to get that hug in the hallway and the whisper, "We love you, we're praying for you". Thanks for keeping up with us! We love you all too!

Love,
Jennifer

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

This and That

Just a few random things from this week.

You may remember from a previous post, I mentioned we recently attended my cousin's wedding. Well this week, Luke, Grace, and Mary Ruth played "wedding". If you spend any time with us at all, you know that our kids like to pretend EVERYTHING they see! They rotated pretending to be the preacher, bride, and groom. They had fake flowers and plastic rings. They looked adorable, but the funniest part was the things they said. When it was Mary Ruth's turn to be the preacher, she said to the bride and groom in the cutest 3 year old voice you've ever heard, "Now repeat after me, Jesus said, Let the little children come to me." Of course, Luke and Grace repeated it. Later on in the "ceremony" she said, "now it's time to hug and kiss." Finally at the end she said, "now that these two people are married, they are so happy they are going to throw flowers. We are all so happy for them, we are going to try to catch flowers." It was hysterical!!! Of course my favorite part was the "let the little children come to me." I think that's a great thing for a bride and groom to pray!

Speaking of weddings, Wesley and I are celebrating 12 years of marriage this week! It's been a wonderful 12 years. I remember vividly the first time I ever saw him, the first time we ever talked, what we said to each other, what we were each wearing the night he first asked me to go out with him, and especially our first phone conversation. We talked all night long. We talked about our dreams, and we had so much in common. It seemed that we were finishing each other's sentences even then. One of the things I remember most is us talking about wanting to have lots of children. I think that was part of how I knew he was "the one". We ended the call at about 5 or 6 in the morning. I went directly into my roommate's room, woke her, and said, "I've just hung up the phone with the guy I'm going to marry." He boarded a bus to go to a football game (he was in the band at U of A), slide into the seat next to his brother, and said, "I've met the girl I'm going to marry." When I think about that first phone call, I can't help but think, all my dreams have come true. I really never expected things to be this good in my life. I know that God gave me Wesley. Next to my salvation through the blood of Jesus Christ, Wesley is the greatest gift He's ever given to me! If you are reading this, Happy Anniversary, Wesley! I love you and am so thankful for you!

Sorry if that was too much mush for you all, but it was time for a "happy" post after so many sad ones. Speaking of happy if you were at Whitesburg Baptist Church this past Sunday, you might remember hearing the key to happiest in Brother Jimmy's sermon. I think it was one of the best sermon's I've ever heard. I'm told that you can download Bro. Jimmy's sermons from our church website. I haven't check that out, but if you missed it or don't attend our church you might be interested in checking it out. The website is www.whitesburgbaptist.org . It was seriously incredible, so check it out! Because of that sermon, Wesley and I plan to memorize all of Psalm 119! Sunday was actually the day of our anniversary, so it's kind of an anniversary goal. Our plan is to memorize it over the course of this next year of our marriage. Feel free to ask us how that's going, I think it would be good accountability to have people checking in on our progress.

This week has definitely had some better moments. One thing I'm struggling with is this crazy feeling of not wanting to feel happy. It seems if I find myself enjoying something, I think wait a minute, I'm not suppose to be happy right now. I'm still sad, I'm still angry, I don't want to be happy. I guess it's good that at least I'm aware of that. I'm trying to fight it. The battle right now is definitely with my thoughts. I guess that's were the battle usually is, right? I'm trying to take my thoughts captive, but it's hard.

Tomorrow I have a check-up with my doctor. It should be rather uneventful. I'm not expecting him to have any of the test results yet. It's just a check-up to see how I'm physically recovering. I'm dreading the visit. Three weeks ago tomorrow I walked in to his office excited to see our baby on ultrasound. Two weeks ago today, I gave birth to a son who is not in my arms. It's hard to believe that everything turned around so quickly. Life is just that way. Anything and everything can change in just one heartbeat. I'm trying to remember that and make these days count. I'm trying to look for the little blessings that are easy to take for granted.

On a lighter note, one of today's little blessings was free Chick-Fil-A breakfast! If you haven't heard, Chick-Fil-A is giving free breakfast every Tuesday in the month of June. It was a fun way to spend the rest of our morning after we got out of court. Yes, I said court. It's a long story that I will save for another time, but it involves me pleading not guilty to the charge of running a red light. Today was the hearing, my court date was set for August 11th. I did not run a red light, and I'm having my day in court!

Pray for me tomorrow. As soon as we have results, we will share the details.

Love,
Jennifer

Saturday, June 6, 2009

TGIS (Thank Goodness It's Saturday)

Slept late. Bought groceries. Worked on home projects. Had fun with Wesley and the kids. Did it all like nothing ever happened. It felt good and normal. Today was good. Now if only everyday could be a Saturday, sounds good doesn't it! Hope you all had great Saturdays as well!

Love,
Jennifer

Friday, June 5, 2009

May It Not Be in Vain

Today was hard. I cried so much today. I felt angry, confused, stressed, tired, and I felt sorry for myself. Thankfully, it's minutes away from midnight and the day is almost over. I'm writing from my bed with all the lights off. In just a few minutes, I will lay down and pull the covers up and today will be all done! I know it's not good to end a day being so glad it's over. I know we should consider each day a gift, appreciate it, and not take it for granted. Some days, that's hard to do.

There were blessings in this day. I managed to prepare breakfast for me and the kids. We ate out for lunch and had dinner with friends, so thankfully breakfast was the only meal I had to prepare. I did not get angry or yell at my children. I've been doing that some lately. I got myself and all four children ready and managed to run some errands. We enjoyed dinner and company at the home of some great friends. In the midst of my pain and without wanting to, I praised Him! I did not feel like praising Him, but I did it anyway. I was told that's what it means to offer a sacrifice of praise and that when we praise Him even when we don't feel like it, our feelings eventually follow. I know there were so many other blessings in this day that I've mentioned. The day was not all bad. There is a difference between the day being a hard day and the day being a bad day. It was hard, not necessarily bad.

I feel like people may be getting tired of hearing the doom and gloom, but I'm trying to be real and honest. It's where I'm at, it's how I feel right now. One day I want to be able to look back on all of this and see how far the Lord has brought me. I do feel like I took some baby steps in the right direction today. One of the things that helped me today was parts of Psalm 18:

1. I will love thee, O Lord, my strength.

2. The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.

3. I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies.

4. The sorrows of death compassed me...

6. In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears.

19. He brought me forth also into a large place; he delivered me, because he delighted in me.

My prayer right now is this, that God would bring me to a place where I can say, "not my will, but thine, be done.", that I would desire Him and desire to love, honor, serve, and glorify Him more than I desire anything He could give me, more than I desire my own way, that he would bring me to a place of contentment, that I would be grateful to Him for all He's already done and all He's going to do, that I would trust His plan is better than mine, and that I would know how much He loves me.

Lord, if I walk away from all of this without that prayer being answered, it was in vain. Please don't let it be in vain! Be Glorified!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

My Son

My son was not strong
by any measure of man.
But his song I will sing whenever I can.

It sounds of truth
and rings out of grace,
Removing the veil and revealing God’s face.

My son was a picture
painted bold and bright.
His life throwing color on world’s canvas of night.

The subject unfolded,
a new stroke each day.
Until brought into focus was true joy’s way.

In the least likely place
and hard to explain.
Joy was found in the midst of the pain.

The awe of a life
and the wonder of birth.
My son was a gift of unspeakable worth.

His heart could not hold
his song came to rest.
And I am left with no son to hold on my chest.

My son was not strong
by any measure of man.
But his song I will sing whenever I can.

So ask of my boy,
consider it no bother.
When I tell of my son I tell of my Father.


This is a poem I found on another blog. The poem was written by a father who lost his little boy after ninety-nine days of life. I can't say that every word of this poem fits with our story, but so much of it does. I'm struggling with the part that speaks of finding joy, although from my previous losses, I know there's joy to be found. I especially love the last two stanzas.

I may not post anything new for a couple of days, I filled the next two days with a lot of distractions. Today, I was short and impatient with the kids a lot. I found myself easily frustrated and aggravated. Please pray that I will be loving and kind with my children, the way my Father is loving and kind to me.

Love,
Jennifer

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Joshua Dailey Minor

Joshua Dailey Minor was born one week ago today on Tuesday, May 26, 2009 at 9:27 AM. He weighed 1.4 ozs and was 5 inches long. This is the story of his short life.

I found out I was pregnant on March 9th. There harldy any greater news in the Minor household than news of a new baby on the way. Wesley and I were so excited! I was also very anxious. Anxious about whether or not the timing was right, anxious about our finances, anxious about how my doctor/family/friends would receive the news. At first Wesley and I kept the news mostly to ourselves. We shared the news with a some close friends, but wanted to wait a while to tell everyone else. As I mentioned, I was especially concerned with how people would receive the news. We had our share of trouble in the past, and many people simply do not understand our desire to have more children. We also wanted to make sure everything was going well before sharing the news with our other kids. It was hard to keep the secret, especially with the kids. It seemed they could just pick up on it. It didn't take long for all those anxious feelings to be replaced with pure joy, excitement, and anticipation.

It seemed the pregnancy could not be off to a better start. From the beginning, everything look great on with my lab work and ultrasounds. My doctor was very supportive and encouraging. We finally began sharing the news after our second doctor's appointment and ultrasound. For the most part, everyone was very happy for us and received the news well. We did have some people share concerns. The kids were so thrilled! They told everyone they came in contact with and talked about our new baby almost constantly! Grace even said she had been praying for a new baby and God had answered her prayers.

All the kids agreed we needed another boy baby. I reminded the kids that we should be grateful either way. But in my heart, I felt like the baby was indeed a boy. With all of our babies except one, I have felt like God impressed upon my heart what we were having (and my impression has been right every time). With Bella Peace, I did not really have a feeling either way. I believe I did not have that same impression with Bella Peace, because I was not surrendered to what God had for us. I so desperately wanted a boy when I was pregnant with her. Not only did I not have that "feeling", we also had a hard time finding out her gender by ultrasound. I feel God did not allow us to find out her gender until I eventually surrendered my desire for a boy. I think that desire was so great at that time, because I had just lost two boys. Regardless, this time, I was ready either way. But, I did feel like we were going to have a boy.

As of May 20th, I was 15 weeks. Even though I still had a long way to go, we were past the critical 1st trimester. And, boy oh boy, were we ever making plans. Wesley and I talked about baby names all the time. Luke talked about playing football with a little brother. Grace couldn't wait to hold the baby and asked all the time, "how much longer until the baby is born." Mary Ruth was happy that Bella Peace would get to be big sister. We began the morning of May 20th so eager and excited to go to the doctor for a check up. I was scheduled for an appointment and ultrasound. Mary Ruth had a dentist appointment at almost the same time. We decided that I would take Luke, Grace, and Bella Peace with me to my appointment while Wesley took Mary Ruth to her dentist appointment. Luke and Grace were so excited that they would get to see our baby on ultrasound. I never had one moment of apprehension about taking them with me to the appointment, because everything had been going so well.

Minutes into that appointment, I knew everything had changed. I played it very cool not wanting to upset the kids. I sent a text message to Wesley that said, "something not right." The ultrasound tech would not discuss the ultrasound with me, but I knew there was something seriously wrong. After a few minutes, Dr. Conrad came into my room and his face said it all. "It doesn't look like the baby is going to live." I guess having the kids with me was a blessing. I think if I had not had them with me, someone would have had to sweep me off the floor. Instead, I calmly made plans for a recheck the next day. I cannot express the shock and disbelief I felt, I still feel. I still cannot believe this has happened.

I met up with Wesley a few minutes later to discuss the appointment in greater detail. We stood outside the van and talked. We both knew that the news was bad, very bad. I dropped the kids off with a friend and went home. I spent the next several hours praying, crying, making calls, and just trying to process what I had heard. The next morning after what seemed like the longest time ever in the waiting room, Dr. Conrad repeated the ultrasound. It revealed what we feared. Sometime in the 24 hours that passed between appointments, our baby entered heaven. I know that should give me some level of comfort, and it does on some level. But, I still can't help but want it the other way. I want to still be pregnant. I want to still be dreaming, planning, preparing. I want my baby boy in my arms. It's been a week now, a very busy week. And all the plans are finished. Instead of planning for new life, we've made plans for a funeral and even carried them out. It's over, all done. I can't help, but think what now. What am I suppose to do now? I don't really feel like carrying on with my normal business. I don't feel like cooking, cleaning, etc. I don't even feel like playing with our other kids. I know, I know, I should appreciate them even more. I should be so grateful. I am. It just takes time to get back into the swing of things, and as a mother there is no time. Everyone and everything demands your all right now.

I wanted tell Joshua's life story. I fear I've gone off tract here. The time that followed finding out we had lost Joshua and now has been filled with many ups and downs. At the times I've needed it most, God has supplied me with the grace I needed to carried on. He has been gracious to answer several prayer request, including allowing me to deliver Joshua. That provided us with the opportunity to see him and hold him. He also graced me with a quick delivery. We were admitted into Huntsville Hospital at 10:00 PM on Monday, May 25th. Upon being admitted we requested one final ultrasound. We were holding out for the supernatural miracle. We prayed that we would see a healthy baby. We believe in the God that could have preformed that miracle, but in His sovereignty chose not to. I received my first dose of medication to induce labor at 12:20 AM. I only required two doses before Joshua was born. We were expecting a very long day, but things progressed quickly.

As a family, we've still managed to share some good times this week. We've shared some hard times, too. As I've mentioned, telling the kids the news was so hard. They were devastated, simply devastated. Wesley and I made sure to involve them and help them understand as best we could. On Thursday, we took them to the funeral home to explain the process, to show them the casket (not the baby), and allowed them to put some gifts in the casket. They have been to a couple funerals in the past, so they had some idea what to expect. On Friday, we had a funeral. It was just our family. Wesley read some scripture. We all prayed. We talk through the entire process. And we sang. At first it was a very sad time, but by the time it was over the kids were singing and dancing. I had a friend say to me, isn't that the way you want a funeral to be, singing and dancing, rejoicing. I guess she's right.

Another thing we did was to buy a little blue and white musical lamb. When you wind it, it plays "Jesus Loves Me." Wesley and I have told the kids they could cuddle the lamb and listen to the music and think of Joshua. It's been good therapy for them. They call it their, "Joshua lamb." They really love this little lamb. We've told them that our Joshua is Jesus' lamb now. We all really miss our "Joshua lamb". We loved him before we knew him. We know that our Father loves Him even more. We will always love him, and we look forward to the day that we will meet him again. Joshua's life was short, very short. But I know that God's plan for his short life is big, bigger than I can understand right now.

Joshua Dailey Minor, "Joshua" because Wesley loves the name and he loves the person Joshua in the Bible was and because it was his turn to have his pick of names! :) "Dailey" because it is my maiden name. We have a tradition of giving a biblical name and a family name to all of our children. Also "Dailey" to honor my Daddy. Just a little over a year ago, my Daddy accepted Jesus Christ after an accident that almost claimed his life. Since that time, he has been the grandfather I dreamed of for our children. I'm so proud of him! A good friend reminded us that the name Joshua is a form of the name Jesus (I think that's what I heard, I haven't really check this out myself.) He pointed out that "Joshua Dailey" is like saying "Jesus daily" as in that's what we all need! Isn't that something! I think that's pretty neat. If you read this far, thanks! I'm pleased to share the details of our Joshua's life with anyone interested in hearing!

Joshua Dailey Minor
May 26, 2009

Monday, June 1, 2009

Back to Real Life

We've been away for a few days. We went out of town for a wedding and returned home this afternoon. It was a great weekend. The wedding was a small family wedding where family does it all, catering, decorating, food, pictures, etc. I enjoyed the wedding very much and actually had a pretty big role. Also, all of my children were involved. Needless to say, it was a very busy weekend.

I was unprepared for how hard returning home would be. I've been in great spirits for days. The morning started off good, and the trip home was good. But when I walked through my front door, something happened. Real life slapped me in the face. I've been extremely down ever since. Since the day we found out there might be a problem, I've had something to focus on. First it was whether or not there really was a problem. Then it was the hospital stay and delivery. Then it was arrangments for a funeral. Finally it was a wedding and trip out of town. But now, it's back to real life. Real life is very sad right now. In my real life, my baby is no longer with me and I miss him greatly.

After more than a week off, Wesley returns to work tomorrow. He's taken such good care of me. Pray that real life will be kind to me. Sorry to end on a down note...

Love,
Jennifer